“And the LORD, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.”
My God is so good to me. I look back and see the little girl who's daddy and mommy didn't get along and made me pray they would never get back together because of the night terrors it caused me.
I see the bright little girl who moved to a new school only to find that the other students there didn't appreciate her grades, or the attention it got her, or the amount of work it caused them. I see the lonely little girl who sat on the sidewalk during recess because she would rather do without than be the last one chosen in Red Rover.
I see the little girl who went to church because she was hungry to know that SOMEONE was beside her, walking with her, there to talk to about anything, anywhere, in any situation. That is why I got saved when I was eight...and the night terrors disappeared.
I see the adolescent who moved to a new school, made new friends, and decided to BE the new person God had given her the opportunity to be. And, I even messed that up.
I see the teenager who got her heart broken because she did not know how to channel her desires, guard her heart, and have the faith she needed in the only one that really mattered.
I see the teenage mother who was told that her mistake had ruined her life, and rather than being given a hand up, was kicked while she was down by the world around her more often than not, She became emotionally depressed, negative, and angry at everyone...including those who meant well, but didn't know how to best respond.
I see the young woman who struggled to survive on her own, who never asked for anything she couldn't pay back because she didn't want to owe anyone her soul. She began to hang on to the verses "With God all things are possible", and "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." She did without a lot of the things that everyone else took for granted, but she survived, worked hard, and never gave up.
She began to realize that if she couldn't have what she wanted in this life, then she didn't need to mess up what she could have in the next. She didn't quite know she was going to accomplish that, but she now had two children out of wedlock, and it was time that she began to teach them what she knew, even if it wasn't everything they needed to know, because she didn't know everything.
She just didn't want them to make the same mistakes. She wanted them to have a chance.
I see the divorced woman who had been given up, thrown out, given away, pushed away, left alone and shattered, who had determined to stand up, go forward, and continue to lean on God's Grace and Mercy because she knew she was still too far from perfect to be worthy. But, she also knew that others had it far worse than she did, so she was learning to be thankful for what little she had.
I see the stressed young woman who endured betrayal, yanked from everything and everyone she loved, alone in a big city, depending on God to direct her path back home. Through yet another failed relationship, she realized how important it was to never deny the power of God in her life.
And God showed her the world around her, the sunsets, the deserts, the plains and the mountains He created for her. He showed her all of what she had been fighting for, and that freedom was where He ultimately resided. Then He sent her home, where she continued to make mistakes.
Through a street girl, God showed her a little mission church for free spirits like hers. And she cried a lot. Then, one day, she was told that God had as much as put His finger on her and called her His. She started to rejoice and praise Him.
I see the homeless woman who learned to praise God through her tears, to sacrifice herself for everyone around her who needed what little she had to provide. I see her heart open up to people who have been kicked while they are down, and that she learned to encourage them, even when she herself was going through trials and tribulations. She gave them hope, and helped them to have the strength and courage to stand on their own, as she had learned to do.
I see the middle aged woman who had to fight the devil himself in order to regain her footing and determine that no one, even under persecution, would deter her from glorifying Her God, who had made her who she was. She saw doors open for her that she had never imagined could. She learned to walk through them and to trust God alone to put her where He needed her to be.
Today, I look in the mirror and I praise God, that He is my Father, my husband, my brother, my boss, and my best friend. I have learned that no man in the world can provide for me better than He can. I have learned that my surrender to Him is rewarded by my service to Him, and He pays a generous salary.
For the first time in my life, I am happy, content, and overwhelmed by His generosity. And, I am anxious and saddened to understand that there are those that I love dearly who hasn't learned the lessons I have, and who doesn't know the Savior as I do. I pray that I can be the beacon of light that leads someone to the saving grace that was given to me...
Just because He touched me.