Dirty

by Shonda Ponder
(originally written in April, 2000)

I didn't want to feel dirty
As I came to God that day
For all I'd done to forsake Him
And go my merry way

I knew that I had been wrong
And that there was no hope
Except that He forgive me
And give me strength to cope

Every sin I'd sinned
Every law I'd broken
Out of selfish hypocrisy
I ignored the words He'd spoken

And now I felt alone
And now I felt betrayed
But who was I to blame?
By myself I knelt and prayed

O, Lord, can you forgive me?
Can you hold me once again?
And can you help those others
That I'd taken from your plan?

Can you bless and keep us,
and bring us all back home
And give us hope again
Where before this there was none?

Have I been so wrong
That you have let me fall
Will you grab my hand
And let me feel your call?

I am but human, Lord
I am weak and frail
But with you I have strength
Without you I have failed

Lord, I walked away
Knowing I was wrong
And now I beg forgiveness
I know where I belong

And as I sat there hoping
And wondering if I'd done right
I felt a warm familiar cover
A soft array of light

That said, "I have not left you
Nor have I let you down
It was you who chose
To give away your crown

I know that you are hurting
Lost and so afraid
And now I am here waiting
To hold the child I made

I did not forget you
Nor did I let you go
My love reached out to you
As I watched you grow

And now you ask forgiveness
You want to come back home
I have a feast here waiting
And we won't eat alone

I began to cry
As I ran into his arms
How can I make it up
To all those I have harmed?

He wiped away my tears
And broke my heart of stone
And then He said, "In time,
They too will come back home."